What the word ‘over’ really means is that your expectations of a place, your fantasies of who you might have become there, have been confounded by the persistence of you.” -Gideon Lewis-Kraus
so I most likely won’t be going to school next year because I have no money to go to school next year. which means absolutely everything in my life is going to dramatically morph in a negative way. I won’t be graduating for many more years, since I will have to save up the money to go since I have none. And who knows if I will be given the same financial aid at that point, so I could have to save up even more. I can’t stay here but I also can’t go there.
I just want to be back in Germany walking around for hours and drinking Club Mate and sitting on grass in parks and benches off paths and rocks by rivers reading books and watching the external world pass me by.
But instead I’m here and everything I’ve known and worked for and dreamed of is slipping through my fingers.
i didnt realize coming “home” would suck this fucking much
ok apparently getting into Berghain two nights in a row is a big feat.
i finally have something to say now if someone asks what my greatest accomplishment has been.
WHY DO I FEEL SAD i can’t figure it out
blacking in to taking a poop must be weird
omg drunk deleting fb friends is so much fun
homesick for a place that doesnt exist